The Great Boardgame Heist: A Short Story From the World of Brieltas

It was a day unlike any other. A crazy, weird, drastically strange day that would live in infamy.

For you may have heard of the Protectors’ crazy large board game collection… but did you hear of how they came to own it?

This is the tale of the Great Board Game Heist, a story fraught with danger, bubble wrap, footie pajamas, hair gel, and car chases.

Don’t believe me?

Just read on, reader.

Read on.

***

“Heads up!”

Thirtee-year-old Jason lifted his head in time from his drawing to dodge a flying spit wad. He yelped as he heard it whisk by, sticking to the wall with a squelchy splat.

“What was that for?” He snapped to Ethan, who was lazily hanging upside down from the couch.

Ethan shrugged. “Just wanted to see how far it could fly.”

Jason shuddered. Gross. What if that had actually landed on him?

He leaned over his drawing again. He was so close… almost finished…

“I’m bored.” Abby sighed, fiddling with her black braids. It was in her Pointed voice, a tone that meant they should do something, all together, and Jason coud forget finishing his drawing.

Monty shifted, as if suddenly awakened from the world of the story he had been absorbed in for the past twenty minutes. He blinked and turned to focus on Abby. “What else is there to do?”

“He’s got a point, sis.” Ethan spiked his hair up with a hand. “We’ve got zip but to scribble and read, and I’m fairly sure that all of us doing that together would be extremely boring.”

“You’re telling me we’ve got no boardgames or anything?” Abby asked, raising an eye brow.

“Yep” Ethan nodded. “And no one plays boardgames any more.”

David looked up from a half-destroyed notebook, pushing up his glasses. “It’s too bad that we don’t have some sort of cash on us.”

“Why do you say that?” Patrick asked, looking up from his ukulele with intrigue.

“Boardgame store in the shopping district. Going out of business, totally bankrupt. Everything’s being torn down tomorrow.”

Monty straightened. “So they don’t have any use for it?”

David shook his head. “They’ve still got all of their stock inside.”

Jason liked the look in Monty’s eyes that he got whenever he had an idea. And he began to grin as Monty set aside his book and looked around the room.

“Why don’t we get some board games?”

“L-like a h-heist?” Jonah asked.

“Yeah. Except we’re not stealing from anyone because they’re going to destroy them all anyway.” Monty leaned back with a smirk of satisfaction.

“I like it.” Ethan nodded.

“I’ll drive!” David shouted.

“You are NOT driving.” Abby said. “What if we get pulled over?  No one’s going to believe that you’re over fifteen.”

“I’ll just say that I’m small for my age. I already have a license and everything. It’s not far and oh yeah, IT’S MY VAN!” He crossed his arms. “So yes, I am driving.”

Jason rubbed his hands. “This is gonna be epic.”

At the sound of his voice, everyone paused, exchanging glances. Jason blinked, confused. “What’s wrong?”

“Are you really sure that you should come, Jason?” Ethan asked.

“What do you mean? Of course I should come! I’m part of the team, aren’t I?” He looked around, hoping for some confirmation from someone in the room.

“It’s just… well…” Monty scratched the back of his head. “You… you just tend to get injured.”

“A LOT.” Ethan snorted. Abby elbowed him in the ribs.

Jason felt his cheeks flush. “I don’t get injured that much.”

“Oh really?” Ethan chuckled. “What about the time that you burnt four fingers buttering toast?”

“The time you sprained an ankle unclogging the toilet.” Jonah muttered softly.

“When you electrocuted yourself holding just unattached jumper cables.” David shook his head. “Still have no idea how that happened…

“When you dislocated your arm pouring cereal into a bowl!” Ethan howled.

“YOU THREW A FOOTBALL AT ME!” Jason shouted. “Come on, guys! So I’m… a little clumsy. But I still want to go.”

Monty looked at Abby, then at everyone else. Hope rose in Jason’s heart. It hadn’t been very long since they had been forced into hiding, but since then, Monty had risen as their leader. He would vouch for him. He knew it.

Monty sighed. “He can come along.”

Jason grinned.

Ethan grinned to, mischief sparking in his eyes. “But only if he wears the bubblewrap hat.”

“I am not wearing a bubblewrap hat.” Jason said flatly.

“He’s not wearing the bubblewrap hat.” Monty said, giving Ethan a look, which was also tainted with humor. “If he has to wear a bubblewrap hat, you’re wearing the wafflecone footie pajamas.”

Abby blinked, then looked toward Ethan. “Wait… the footie pajamas Mom got you for Christmas two years ago? How did you smuggle those out of the house?”

“We are not talking about the footie pajamas!” Ethan yelped, waving his arms. “Can we just go on a heist and do awesome stuff?”

Monty–

***

“What are you doing?”

Jackie jerked from her writing at the sound of Jason’s voice. She looked up to find him peering at the pages over her shoulder. She shifted her notebook out of  view, heat flushing her cheeks.

“Are you…” He blinked, a grin slowly forming. “Are you writing down that story I told you last night?”

“Maybe.” She shrugged. “It was interesting, and I didn’t want to forget it.”

“This is fantastic!” Jason shouted, jumping onto the couch next to her. “I’ve never had any of my stories written down. And you’re doing an excellent job. It’s just as I remembered it!”

“So it’s okay if I keep writing?” Jackie asked.

Jason nodded exhuberantly.

“Okay.” Jackie leaned over and put pen to paper once again.

***

Jason slid into the cold seats of David’s van, feeling a little disgruntled with the amount of wires and tech flickering in the back. Something was beeping, and he just couldn’t find what it was.

He looked out the window and choked.

Ethan was shuffling into the van, looking grumpty, wearing the tan footie pajamas.

“What are you wearing?” Jason asked, choking on his intense effort to not laugh.

“Don’t.” He growled. “Just… don’t.”

“Ethan is paying.” Abby grinned as she slid into the van’s second row of seats. “I told him I’d pay him $20 if he wore the footie pajamas for the entirety of the heist.”

“Why?”

“My brother needs a lesson in humility.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “And it’ll be $20 well spent if he gets caught and I get a mugshot with my brother in footie pajamas.”

Ethan turned bright red.

“This should be a fairly simple mission.” Monty said in a business-like tone as he opened the passenger side door or the front seat. “We get in, grab the boardgames, get out. No trailing, watch for Patrols, and so long as we don’t get caught, it’ll be easy.”

“So this is what we d-do when we’re bored now.” Jonah muttered.

“It’s awesome!” Ethan shouted a little too loudly, and everyone turned to look at him and also snicker at his footie pajamas.

Jason grinned. This would prove to be a very interesting night.

David drove out of the long tunnel from the garage into the empty streets. It wasn’t Final Curfew yet, so a batter blue delivery van wouldn’t arouse any suspicion. The board game store wasn’t far from the hideout either, and in a mere few minutes, they were pulling down the street.

“Remember, make it quick.” Monty said, beginning to look a little nervous. “Go in, grab the boardgames, get out. Who’s gonna be lookout?”

Everyone was silent. No one really wanted to be lookout, and Jason could understand why. It was a boring job.

“I’ll be lookout.” Ethan said suddenly, just as David pulled into an alleyway.

Everyone stared at him, and this time it wasn’t because of his footie pajamas. Ethan, being lookout?

“Thanks, Ethan.” Monty said slowly. “Everyone else… try not to trip anything. There shouldn’t be security coverage for this place, but you never can tell.”

“You’re acting like this is some sort of high stakes mission.” Abby laughed. “Chill out, Monty.”

Monty opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but instead opened his door and began to pick the lock on the side door.

***

“Hold up.” Jason stiffened. “I don’t remember that part about what Ethan said… In fact, now that I remember, I got interrupted by Ethan last night at the footie pajama part.”

“Monty told me the rest.” Jackie said.

“Well can you get to what Ethan was thinking?” Jason asked. “It’s confusing.”

“But that’ll break from your point of view!” Jackie said.

“But Ethan being a lookout doesn’t make any sense, and I have to be somewhere soon, so can you just cheat and skip to it?”

“Fine.” Jackie sighed.

***

You’re probably wondering why Ethan is actually offering to be something as potentially demeaning as a lookout. After all, Ethan has already been shamed with a footie pajama dare– why would he bow out of the action now?

You see, if his first weakness is dares, then his second weakness is hair gel. How his ultimate love of hair gel started is a mystery, but there happened to be a hair gel store right next to the board game store, and—

***

“That’s not how it happened!”

This is getting ridiculous. Jackie looked over her shoulder and saw Ethan hanging over the back of the couch, a smirk plastered on his face.

She shielded the notebook again and shot him a glare, “What are you doing?”

“Making sure that you get this correct. We’ll be famous someday and this story will be worth millions.” Ethan cleared his throat and held out his hand. “Allow me.”

“Do you even know how to write?” Jason asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Of course I do. Just let me tell the story. I’ll do it accurately.”

Jackie hesitated, but curiosity overtook her, and reluctantly she handed the notebook to Ethan. “Okay, Shakespeare. Tell it how you saw it.”

“Thank you.” And with a great flourish, Ethan began to write.

***

We don’t really need to go into what Ethan was doing, because what Ethan was doing doesn’t matter at the moment. All that you need to know was that it was something very, very important–

***

“Then prove it.” Jason said. “What was so important that you ditched us?”

Ethan gritted his teeth, scowling. “You should remember. You were there.”

“Ethan…” Jackie warned. 

“Fine, fine! I’ll write it.” Ethan rolled his eyes and began to write.

“And make it the truth.” She muttered.

***

Ethan had lied. He wasn’t going to be lookout, yes. But that was because he was trying to do something nice for his sister.

There was a store next door that Ethan had seen, a store full of shampoos and conditioners and all of that junk. And Ethan knew that Abby’s favorite lip balm was in that store.

So he went inside, thinking he would just–

***
“Excuse me?”

Jackie held back a groan as Abby’s stormy face rose from the back of the couch, glaring at her brother. 

Ethan stared back at her cooly. “You’re excused.”

“Well you’re not.” She snapped. “You went into that store for yourself, Mr. Let’s-Try-To-Hide-The-Forty-Seven-Bottles-of Hair-Gel-in-my-Footie-Pajamas.”

Jason’s eyes widened and he gasped. “Wait… I remember that now…”

“Monty didn’t tell me that part.” Jackie said.

“Probably because it was one of Ethan’s most embarrassing moments in history. But don’t go blaming the foiling of the heist on me.” She glared at Ethan. “It was you and your hair gel.”

“Fine!” Ethan threw his hands in the air. “Yes, I went for the hair gel.”

“And you…” Jackie blinked several times. “You stuffed it inside your footie pajamas?”

“To the neckline.” Abby grinned.

“Why would anyone need that much hair gel?” Jackie asked.

“In my fifteen year old mind, I thought it would equal to lifetime supply.” Ethan sniffed.

“Should we be offended?” Jason whispered to Abby with a look.

“Can I please just write this story?” Jackie squeaked, exasperated.

“Well if you’re going to write about us, you’ve got to get it accurate.” Ethan said.

“I’ll write it.” Abby took the notebook.

***

They had taken as many boardgames as the van could hold, and now it was time to go. Easy in and out, just like Monty had said.

Maybe there’s nothing to worry about after all. Jason thought.

Everyone got inside the van– everyone, but Ethan.

“Where is Ethan?” David groaned.

“We really need to get out of here…” Monty muttered.

Everyone jumped as an alarm suddenly blared from the store next door… and on the enter side of the van appeared Ethan, looking unusually bulky.

“Ethan…” Abby groaned as Jonah opened the door. “What did you do?”

Ethan was crackling and rattling, looking quite a bit larger than when Jason had seen him last. He sat in the front seat, arms crossed. “Nothing… we just need to get out of here. Like, really fast.”

David was already pulling out.

Abby leaned over and looked toward the shop, which was flashing lights and blaring alarms like a Christmas decoration on the fritz. She turned to Ethan and slapped his arm.

Three bottles of hair gel fell from his sleeves.

“Ethan Watson!” She shouted. “You stole hair gel?”

He glared at her, stuffing the hair gel back inside his footie pajamas. “Only forty seven bottles. It’s not that many.”

“Guys…” David’s eyes widened as he looked back towards the new clusters of flashing lights that were now following them. “We’ve got company.”

***

“Well now you’re making it sound like it’s all my fault.” Ethan said sulkily.

“It was all your fault.” Abby said. “If you hadn’t let your stupid hair gel obsession get in the way…”

“What are we talking about?” Monty asked as he came into the room, holding a sandwich.

“Board game heist.” Ethan, Abby, and Jason said at once.

“Jackie’s trying to write it down.” Jason said.

“She keeps getting it wrong.” Ethan said.

“And you keep being a pain.” Abby said.

Monty looked at the notebook. “Can I see it?”

Jackie shrugged and handed it over. “Be my guest.”

Monty set aside his sandwich and quickly read over it. He chuckled. “Well, you’ve got most of it so far. You just need to add the part where Ethan looses all the hair gel.”

“He does what?” Jackie looked at Ethan, who buried his face in his hands.

“Here.” Monty took the pen, and began to write himself.

***

“You’ve got to lose the hair gel, Ethan!” Abby shouted.

“Do what?!” Ethan yelped. “No. Do you know how much work it took to steal all of this?”

“Think about what’ll happen if those Patrols catch up to us!”

“Hurling hair gel at them would confuse them.” David agreed.

Ethan gritted his teeth, then groaned. “Fine!” He shouted.

He unzipped his footie pajamas, untangled his sweatshirt ties from the zipper, and opened the window. Looking regretful, he threw both footie pajamas and hair gel toward the Patrols.

Something exploded. No one was quite sure what it was– or why anything exploded at all– but it was the perfect distraction for them to get away, and it looked cool.

And thus ended the great board game heist.

***

“That’s a terrible ending.” Abby objected.

“I think it’s a great ending.” Monty said.

“You kind of rushed it. It’s okay if writing isn’t your strong suit.” Jackie said.

“Oh come on, things exploded. What more of an ending do you need?” Ethan grinned

“Why can’t I remember the explosion?” Jason asked, sounding confused.

“Because we were carrying the board games inside and I may have dropped an entire stack on your head by accident.” Ethan said sheepishly.

“Well at least it wasn’t something I did.” Jason sighed. 

“You ran into me.”

“Oh come on!”

“Why don’t we stop arguing and just go play a board game?” Abby asked.

Everyone paused and exchanged looks.

“Sounds good to me.” Jason said.

“I’m game.” Ethan chuckled.

Monty nodded with a laugh. “We certainly have enough.”

Jackie looked at the crazy, scribbled story, and shook her head, laughing. “All right, count me in too.”She set her notebook aside and followed her friends.

 Sometimes it was better to be out living a story than to be writing one.