Chance knew they were getting close to the Dawnlands as the grass slowly changed from sage and scrub to gray-green seas of dried grass spotted with cedar trees. They began climbing up instead of down, and every step up became colder. A largish mountain to their right blocked out the setting sun and left them in shadows.
Finally, they had come to the border of the Dawnlands.
“Gettin’… a little chilly.” Fox said as he stumbled on a boulder.
“It’s still early spring.” Willowlake nickered. “We’re bound to hit snow here soon.”
“I hope that we ain’t for an ice storm any time soon.” Fox’s teeth chattered. “I’m cold.”
She fluffed her coat. “No colder than a rainy morning back home.”
“For you, maybe.” The Land Horse colt looked over at Chance. “What about you? Does it get pretty cold in the Tribes?”
He hesitated before answering. Talking about home was dangerous territory. He thought for a minute, choosing as neutral terms as possible. “Winters are pretty harsh back home.” Chance said, his snort turning into whirling steam in the air. “But not extreme.”
He didn’t want to talk. He just wanted to keep moving. Things would be clear when he got to the Dawnlands. Things would be better. He didn’t know how, he just knew they would. He could forget. He needed to forget.
“You haven’t told me much about why you’re going to the Dawnlands.” Willowlake said. “I’ve told you and Fox has told us. Why don’t you tell us why you’re running away?”
Immediately a picture of Snowfire laying next to his dying mate flashed into his mind. He had promised Sunrise he would take care of their daughter.
And he had abandoned her. What sire did that?
My sire abandoned me. He twitched his wings. I guess we’re not so unalike.
The shock of that admittance spooked him. He pushed aside the memory. “I’m not running away.”
“Liar.” Fox said with a wry laugh. “No one goes to the Dawnlands unless they’re running away.”
“You can tell us, Chance.” Willowlake said. Her gaze was concerned, like she wanted to help. But what could she do? She would have given anything for a father who loved her. She wouldn’t understand.
Chance lowered his head and narrowed his eyes. “No, I can’t.”
His tone was more forceful than he’d intended, and both Fox and Willowlake stiffened. He didn’t apologize, just shivered his skin and kept moving forward, avoiding eye contact.
What would they understand about a grief like his?
Willowlake drew in a sharp breath. “I think I can hear a stream a little ways ahead. Maybe we should stop and rest for the night now that it’s getting dark.”
“Sleep? Through the whole night? You do that?” Chance turned his head in time to see the shocked look on Fox’s face with the question.
“Don’t you?” The unicorn mare tilted her head.
“Never. Too dangerous.” Fox shivered. “I’ll stay awake.”
“Probably for the best.” Willowlake glanced at Chance. “You agree with that?”
He nodded. “Fine.”
She hesitated, as if she was about to say more. But instead she turned and went to the stream.
He really couldn’t tell them. Both Fox and Willowlake would do anything to have a real family. He just ran away from the one he had left for no good reason other than the fact that he was scared of doing it alone. Of being a father without Sunrise.
I’m a coward. He lowered his head. Just like my father.
***
Chance woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.
He’d been dreaming again. Back to when they were on Shakirana and he was watching Sunrise die before his eyes. Growing weaker every day, Fireheart’s threats, death at the corner wherever they turned… he shuddered, wishing the memory would go away.
Sunrise… I miss you.
He looked at the others. Willowlake was deeply asleep, and Fox slept on his feet.
What had awoken him?
He got up and stretched, shivering with the rush of cold air under his belly. He needed to walk. That was what he needed. Maybe the movement would help chase away the nightmare.
He trotted across the hillside, the frozen grass crunching under his hooves. To one side, he saw the silver-peach streaks of Land Horse territory, and to the other was the fearsome black teeth that made up the cliffs they were going to pass tomorrow.
The Dawnlands. Again indecision twisted his gut in knots.
Willowlake and Fox had nowhere else to go. This would be their new home.
Did he really want it to be his? Would all of this trouble be worth it in the end?
Or would he be more miserable than before?
He needed to fly, to clear his head. He opened his wings, taking a moment to savor the feeling of the cold wind in his feathers.
“Chance.” The whisper of his name on the wind racked his body with a fresh set of chills, sending his feathers rattling.
He would know that voice anywhere. But it couldn’t be. She was dead.
“Chance.” The whisper was louder. He was certain now, despite its impossibility.
It was Sunrise’s voice.
Folding his wings, he followed the voice and looked up the hill. A buckskin mare with pink feathers stood in the moonlight, the gold of her coat producing an ethereal glow. A single black feather stuck from her mane, looking as if it was chipped from the ebony of her black mane.
“Sunrise?” He murmured. Slowly, he trotted closer, hardly daring to believe it.
It was Sunrise. It was the same golden coat, raven-black mane and tail, and beautiful face that he’d gazed upon every day since the moment he met her. The only difference was that she seemed to carry her own light, as if she was filled with it and it seeped from her.
She’s a ghost. She was real and unreal, and the old ache in his chest throbbed full force.
“How are you here?” He whispered. He wanted nothing more than to gallop to her and bury his muzzle in her mane, but he saw her dark brown eyes, full of anger.
She was angry with him.
“I came back.” Her voice was stiff and she switched her black tail. “I thought I asked you to take care of our daughter, Chance.”
Disappointment and coldness came from her tone, so unlike the warm song that her voice was before. He felt her fury in the air between them, burning his lungs with every breath.
He lowered his head. “I… I couldn’t…” He inhaled deeply. “I can’t be a father without you. I’m not cut out for this. I’d rather have my daughter never know me than to fail my duty and have her always hate me.”
“It is far worse to neglect a duty than to fail it. Failing at least indicates that you tried. Our daughter is alone, Chance. Do you realize that? No amount of extended family can replace a sire. And just because she never met you doesn’t mean that she won’t hate you.” Her eyes flashed. “Believe me, I know what it’s like. My father told my mother I was better off dead, that I would never survive. I do not want a father like that for our daughter. I need you to be the stallion that made me want to be your mate.”
He felt like his chest had been pierced with a stone. His lungs choked, and for a minute, he could hardly breathe to give an answer.
He finally took a shaky breath. “I would go back home in a heartbeat if you came with me.” The plea was desperate, and his voice came out in a whisper. “I miss you, Sunrise.”
Sunrise exhaled, for the first time looking pained. “You know I can’t do that.”
“But you’re here now.” If she could come back now, even as a ghost, maybe at least she could stick around and help him raise Snowfire.
“I only came back here briefly as a messenger. The laws of Death and Rebirth can only be bended for special circumstances.” She met his eyes, dark brown locking with his blue. “Our daughter will suffer if you don’t go back.”
Her plea wrenched him. He wanted to have the courage and confidence in himself that she had for him, but… it hurt too much.
He backed away. “I can’t be a father. Not yet. Every time I look at her I think about you… and I hate her. I don’t… want it. I don’t want to hate her. But she took you from me. I can’t forget that.”
Sunrise’s nose came so close to his he swore he could feel her breath. “Then that’s something you need to work out on your own.” She turned, facing the moon. “Goodbye, Chance.”
No! He leapt forward, trying to tug on her mane, but his muzzle passed right through her shining body. She really was a ghost.
“Please,” He rasped, standing in front of her. “Please, won’t you stay a little longer? I’m… lost without you.”
“You’re not lost without me.” She replied, eyes still on the sky, and her body shining brighter by the minute. “You’re lost without the King. Your belief in Him was based on me, which was your first mistake. I must go back now. He’s calling me, same as he’s calling you; can’t you hear it?”
She faded away just as he woke up to the rich sound of a bugling horn far off.